Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
622 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Mexico Officials Flip to Trump Informants in Record Time
An absurdity audit reveals politicians eager to cooperate while the president scrambles to contain the damage.
Cook Calls Pricing 'Unsustainable' Then Jacks It Up
Apple's 'unavoidable' price hikes land hardest on the inch-sized upgrades nobody asked for.
FTC Audit Blesses Musk Mesh Acquisition With Zero Scrutiny
Stealth startup pulled $50 million Series A then got scooped before lunch.
Second-Oldest Film Festival Proudly Claims Silver Medal
The executive director explains how blending tradition and innovation keeps the place from feeling like a museum with popcorn.
Mahmood's Capped Asylum Sponsorship: Confidence Restored
Home secretary announces refugee route that fixes the system by promising it will be both safe and extremely limited.
Streaming Services Lose Their Obnoxiously Loud Ad Loophole in California
The 'immersive audio experience' excuse just got slapped illegal, with Illinois already proving the quiet alternative works.
Persian Gulf Shipping Recovery Drowns in Renewed Attacks
After hitting highest traffic since the U.S. war in Iran, the 'recovery' gets a swift reality adjustment from strikes.
Apple Turns MacBook Price Hike Into 'Better Deals' Spin
Rising memory costs arrive exactly when existing discounts needed a narrative boost.
Officials Spin Record Heatwave as Weekend Relief Plan
Suffolk's highest temperature yet gets repackaged as evidence the hottest stretch is already under control.
Crimea's Emergency Declaration Exposes Annexation Math
Declaring a state of emergency on the illegally seized peninsula because Ukrainian strikes now reach everyday life
Assa Abloy 'Integrates' Level by Axing Most of It
The acquisition that turned a smart lock startup's traditional-looking deadbolts into a footnote under Kwikset.
Pitt's Vineyard Wins Pile Up as Jolie Dispute Drags On
A $500 million property battle that started with a 2021 sale now looks like a masterclass in expensive pettiness.
King's Tax Reveal Leaves Wealth Questions Smoldering
Absurdity audit exposes selective transparency from a family treating its money like classified intel.
Apple's Flagship Headphones 'Discounted' Until Walmart Runs Dry
Amazon's already sold out, Walmart still has the AirPods Max 2 at $399, proving the 'deal' was mostly theater.
Ryanair Reluctantly Ends Child Seating Fees After Regulator Probe
British investigation exposes airline's genius plan to charge parents for sitting with their own children
Cannes Lions Gives Adidas The Grand Prix For Oasis Collab
An international festival just declared sneakers and Britpop nostalgia peak entertainment.
OpenAI IPO Audit Flags Advisers Pushing Delay
Start-up grapples with financial challenges while its executive gets told to sit on the biggest payday in tech.
Microsoft Stretches Windows 10 Life Support One More Year
The extended update program gets another extension because a quarter of PCs refuse to quit running the previous operating system