Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
622 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Featured Roast
Hillsborough Bill Finally Approved – Only 35 Years Late
MPs greenlight the law after the 1989 crush, proving government can move fast when the alternative is more paperwork.
Absurdity Audit: Tension Control Claims Cleared in Colombian Disappearance Film
Review declares impressive restraint while navigating the euphemistic expression around decades of government-linked cases.
Colombian Grief Gets Tension Control Audit
Review demonstrates impressive restraint over paramilitary disappearances that been ignored for decades
Aaron Lewis Blames Politics for Opry Blackball
The industry didn't turn its back — it just stopped pretending his act still worked.
China Recovered Reusable Rocket, Swears It’s Not Copying SpaceX
PR spin says they admire the work; reality shows they just replicated the whole damn playbook.
Nintendo’s Talking Flower Just Got Cheaper, Ego Meter Spiking
Another Mario character shilling positive affirmation while your wallet takes the real hit.
Oregon AG Rayfield Drops Documents Fight on Paramount-Warner Deal
Wanted a 60-day delay to poke around the merger. Lasted about as long as a corporate ethics seminar.
McGregor vs Holloway Rematch Livestream: Pure Fiction, Zero Belts
Watch the promotion sell a lightweight fantasy while reality stays in Washington with zero actual fights booked.
Ego Meter: $700 Portable Shower Hits Peak Delusion
Nothing screams backcountry authenticity like paying more than rent for festival hot water on demand.
CISA Built Its Incident Playbook While the Incident Was Already Happening
An agency meant to guard national cybersecurity admitted it was winging the response playbook on the fly after a contractor left passwords exposed on GitHub.
Rubio's Venezuela Grip: Manifestation of Power or Just a Mess
The secretary effectively runs another nation's resources while America calls it diplomacy.
Competition Entry Explores Abuse by Hiding in Plain Sight
Sarmiento's interview at Karlovy Vary turns childhood silence into award-season packaging with zero friction.
Brown Professor: We Cannot Choose to Become Idiots
AI cheating scandal hits Brown, and the faculty's spin is already failing harder than the students.
President's FIFA Call Saves Balogun's One-Match Ban
The reversal gets spun as FIFA making the right decision instead of caving to pressure that could stain the World Cup.
Khamenei's Heir Masters Supreme Level Absence
Officials handle the ayatollah's funeral while Mojtaba Khamenei perfects the art of strategic vanishing after US-Israel strikes.
Audit Confirms: Trump Memecoin Sank $3.8B From Investors
Nearly a million buyers lit nearly four billion on fire while the president pocketed $636 million in real gains.
‘Light Workload’ Now Officially a Crisis
NYT turns corporate dead time into a soul-searching drama while a gynecology practitioner weighs seeing her own colleagues.
Earth's Missing 500 Million: Blame Cosmic Bombardment
Hadean PR team spins interior heat failure as an outside impacts job
Worker Claims Light Workload Is Simply Impossible to Handle
Underemployment gets the PR treatment as a personal crisis while actual practitioners grind through real demands.