Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
642 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Nothing CEO Says Apps Will Disappear
His company makes phones specifically designed to run apps
Duke's 7-Foot 'Big Man' Too Fragile for Round 1
Top overall seed suddenly looks one player shorter than advertised
Prairie View A&M Advances... Barely
Historically Black university celebrates 67-55 squeaker over Lehigh before getting fed to a No. 1 seed
Pritzker Runs for Third Term to Launch Presidential Bid
Illinois billionaire governor uses state as a personal launchpad while preaching progressive values
80-Year-Old VC Predicts AI Bloodbath
Veteran investor says bubble will pop but the 'strongest' will emerge more powerful. History's favorite bedtime story.
New Bachelorette Already Under Investigation
Taylor Frankie Paul goes from fantasy suite to real-world scrutiny in record time
NVIDIA Unveils 'Agentic AI' That Still Can't Fix Your WiFi
Jensen Huang closes GTC with Disney robots and persistent desk AI while the world quietly wonders who asked
Intelligence Report: China Unlikely to Invade Taiwan Next Year
CNN credits Trump's peace deals for Beijing's sudden restraint. The same experts who spent years calling him a Russian asset.
Fed Holds Rates While Gas Explodes
Bureaucratic zombies ignore the Iran war inflation inferno
Meta's AI Wants to Jack Your Mouse
Manus desktop app lets agents literally control your computer because fuck your privacy
Nvidia drops $17B on Groq tech then copies it
Jensen calls it 'strategic licensing' while quietly admitting his own chips can't keep up
Trump's 'Massive Blow Up' Energy Plan
Iran already hitting the world's largest gas field while Trump vows to nuke another if they touch Qatar
Iran Finally Hits Palestinians
Tehran's 'resistance' missiles achieve their first confirmed kill: in the West Bank
Car Magazine Crowns Chip Bro 'Person of the Year'
MotorTrend just gave Jensen Huang their 2026 award for... reasons?
Josh D'Amaro 'Humbled' Into Disney Throne
New CEO sends corporate prayer card while inheriting the Mouse's flaming dumpster empire
Iranian Missiles: Now Hitting Their Own Gas Fields
Tehran accidentally bombing the world's largest natural gas reserve while trying to look tough
JENSEN WEARS THE SAME JACKET FOR 12 YEARS
Announces Vera Rubin like it's a personality while CUDA celebrates its 20th birthday at a $4T funeral for your GPU
Trump's Got the 'Honor' of Taking Cuba
Because nothing says 'genius dealmaker' like announcing you're conquering an island mid-Iran war