Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
640 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Viral Dog Escape Saga: Total AI Fabric-A-Thon
Seven kidnapped pups Houdini their way home? Nope, just pixels punking the internet.
DHS Funded Like a Half-Assed DIY Kit
Senate greenlights bureaucracy bucks but ghosts immigration enforcement—shutdown limbo hits peak absurdity
Savannah's Mom Hunt: 'Today' Return Is Her 'Purpose'?
Because scanning the sofa cushions from Studio 1A is peak detective work.
USA Today's Tech Section Is Just Best Buy's Newsletter
Breaking: journalism discovered a 12% discount on JBL earbuds. We have a developing situation.
Tech Giants May Face Consequences, Experts Unsure What Those Are
Two jury verdicts walk into a bar. Section 230 has never been more nervous.
Buffalo Loses To Boston, Sun Rises In East
Yahoo Sports uploaded 'highlights' from a Sabres loss. Bold use of the word highlights.
USA Today's Sports Page Is Just A Website Description
Breaking: a sports outlet confirms it covers sports, in what analysts are calling 'a sentence'
Iran Claims F/A-18 Kill; Jet Files Flight Plan Home
Nothing says 'direct hit' like the thing you hit flying away and finishing its shift.
USA Today's Big Story Is: They Still Exist
A newspaper published a website. The website described the newspaper. No one was harmed.
March Madness: Where Your Bracket Goes to Die and Your Boss Pretends Not to Notice
64 teams, 10 seconds of confidence, and a lifetime of bracket regret.
The Social Network Where Failure Is Rebranded as a Journey
Where layoffs become plot twists and $40M raises are actually about resilience.
Netflix Giveth and Netflix Taketh Away (Before You Finish Season 1)
They spent $200M building your favorite show and 48 hours deciding to kill it.
The Market That Cried Wolf — And Then Ate the Wolf for Lunch
Crash 80%, declare it dead, watch a 19-year-old post Coinbase screenshots. Repeat.
The Age of AI Has Arrived and Nobody Knows How to Code
400 commits, one working button, and a LinkedIn post calling it a 'passion project.'
Hegseth: $200B Iran Tab 'Could Move'
Day 19 of the war and the Pentagon's already burned through $10B. Now they want pocket change.
Ex-Anthropic Grifters Launch $1B Ghost Startup
No product, no revenue, just another nine-figure valuation for vibes and recycled Anthropic letterhead.
Nothing CEO Says Apps Will Disappear
His company makes phones specifically designed to run apps
Duke's 7-Foot 'Big Man' Too Fragile for Round 1
Top overall seed suddenly looks one player shorter than advertised