Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
636 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Amazon Search Now Shows Products That Don't Exist
AI images let you browse fantasy clothing and home goods while the real catalog stays empty
Morgan Stanley Flags Warsh Debut as 'Key Risk' for FX
Because one new Fed chair's first meeting 'potentially' ends consensus carry trades.
EU Plots Escape From American Tech, Forgets How Dependence Started
The union outlined a master plan for local semiconductors and cloud computing that somehow ignores two decades of happy outsourcing.
Mediterranean Shipping Takes Projectiles, Calls It Diplomacy
The company frames an Iraqi port attack as minor while negotiators pretend the Strait of Hormuz is reopening smoothly.
Venezuela Opens Electricity Sector After State Meltdown
Fifteen years of government power control ends with a quiet auction for private concessions, framed as progress.
Bitcoin's Inflation-Hedging Audit Ends in Flames
36% plunge exposes the cryptocurrency's mainstream promise as pure fantasy dressed in code
Venezuela Opens Electricity to Private Investment After Total Collapse
Fifteen years of state control produced blackouts, so now they're offering concessions like it's a generous gift instead of surrender.
Ego Meter Spikes as Grants Face Loyalty Test
Administration proposal lets officials block grants that skip cheering for Trump’s agenda
UBS Cashes In $1.5 Billion on Riskiest Debt After Swiss Pause
The bank returns to additional tier 1 capital just as Switzerland eases the rules that were supposed to tighten it.
Blue Origin Swears Its Propellant Farm Is Ready for Aggressive Return-to-Flight
The company calls its liquid hydrogen and oxygen tanks 'in good shape' while promising New Glenn flies this year.
Streaming Ego Meter Spikes on Ad-Supported Wins
Nearly half of subscribers now 'opting' for ads while execs pretend it's a feature not a surrender.
Oil Ego Meter Climbs on Fragile US-Iran Prospects
Traders parse discordant signals and watch prices edge higher while delusion levels rise in real time.
Blue Origin's Aggressive Timeline Comes With Fresh Tanks
The company insists its propellant, oxygen, and liquid hydrogen systems are ready, which is corporate for 'please ignore the rest of the rocket.'
Trump's Iran Standoff Audit Flags Total Backing Failure
Polls and allies apply pressure for a deal while Iran holds firm demanding concessions in classic geopolitical theater.
Alphabet to Raise $80B Selling Stock for AI Buildout
Google's parent just discovered that trillion-dollar valuations still need fresh capital when the future costs this much.
Borderlands Creator Drags Pixel Watch From the Deep
Randy Pitchford's underwater 'find' exposes Google's next watch before the PR team can even spin it.
Hezbollah's 'Reciprocal' Halt Is Just Stalling for Dear Life
Lebanon's announcement meets Netanyahu's warning and instantly smells like more recycled ceasefire theater.
Florida's First-of-Its-Kind Lawsuit Audits ChatGPT's Influence
A university shooting gets the official blame treatment while everyone pretends AI pulled the trigger.