Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
636 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Ego Meter Cracks: Americans Demand Ebola VIP Lane in Kenya
Hundreds protest an exclusively American quarantine facility as political egos hit critical mass.
Regulators Bar Prediction Markets From Injury Contracts
CFTC says no more betting on officiating or player injuries because information is apparently dangerous now.
NBC's Firsts Flex: Ego Meter Explodes Over Broadcasting History
A century of first-to-market bullshit turns late-night into the ultimate delusion parade.
Commerzbank Casts Shade on UniCredit Bid Acceptance Numbers
When a takeover acceptance rate needs a second opinion, you know the support story is already leaking.
Ukraine's Midrange Drones Turn Russian Rotations Into Fuel Hell
Huge production runs expose how shortages keep complicating the whole supply chain for the Russians.
Ego Meter Spikes: Kardashian-Hamilton Monaco Makeout
A three-day support weekend turns into the loudest stealth session in F1 history.
Absurdity Audit Slams Tech's Expensive AI Addiction
Report finds workloads could be handled by cheaper models without affecting results, rewriting the economics overnight.
Summer House Ego Meter Spikes Hard in Three-Part Reunion
Tonight's emotional gathering concludes with the cast treating their Bravo reunion like a TED Talk on their own magnificence.
Interpol's Ton of Hype Lands at Partisan
Long-running band serves up album news while Universal Music Publishing spruces its logo for no reason
Democrats Bank $50M Shot at Cracking Conservative Strongholds
American Bridge labels red turf 'vulnerable' while history says Republicans own the deed.
Wall Street Calls Tech Exodus a 'Rotation'
Investors are ditching all-weather earnings for anything promising better prospects while uncertainty still looms.
Graham's Trump Glow-Up: Fiercest Critic to Carolina Lapdog
The senator's relationship with the president dramatically evolved from insults to loyalty just in time for the South Carolina primary.
Chipmaker Panic Exposes Markets' Thin-Skinned Escalation Fetish
Tech stocks fold like cheap suits while investors pretend 'jitters' are just a temporary speed bump.
Apple Swears Its AI Stays Private on Google's Servers
Running models elsewhere supposedly changes nothing about who can see what.
War With Iran 'Buoyed' Exports? Commerce Dept's April Math
Exports rose in April slightly outpacing imports while conflict magically lifted oil demand, because nothing says growth like geopolitical hellfire.
OpenAI IPOs While Altman's Eye-Scanning Verification Fails
The company reportedly can't generate revenue, so it's time to downsize the eyeball scanners.
OpenAI Swaps Its Talk Show Into Emmy Variety Last Minute
A tech company just discovered the nominations-round window opens in three days and decided variety sounded friendlier than whatever TBPN actually is.
Apple's watchOS 27: Siri AI Edition, Same Old Delays
Redesigned grids and fitness tweaks sell the dream while support for actual help stays on the autumn maybe-later list.