Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
636 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Absurdity Audit: Markets Bank on SpaceX and Iran Optimism
Wall Street's latest audit reveals stocks rising on diplomatic fantasies while oil dips and SpaceX fuels the rally.
Slam Frank Pitches Its Intersectional Lens Off-Broadway
The musical trades subtlety for a provocative rebrand that still can't outrun the original story's gravity.
S&P Climbs on Iran Deal Fantasies and SpaceX IPO Hype
Investors treat vague peace whispers like gospel while salivating over SpaceX's record payday.
The Furious Ego Meter Spikes on One Choreographer's Win
Four screenwriters get credited while stunningly choreographed mayhem hands the real validation to a single badass.
SpaceX SPV Lock-Ups: Lower-Tier Investors Get Shafted
Post-IPO audit finds hidden fees and lengthy waits before anyone learns their real holdings.
Ecuador Cranks Ego Meter With Cheaper Beer for World Cup
President's temporary price cut on beer gets pitched as elite football support, proving delusion loves a discount.
Trump Skips Iran Strikes, Markets Call It a Deal
Emerging-market currencies pop on the president's canceled attacks, turning relief into imminent peace fan fiction.
Kharg Island Grab 'Very Doable' for US Forces, Grant Claims
Defense analyst Rebecca Grant turns a contested Iranian oil hub into a weekend errand for central command.
Blink's Six-Piece Bundle: Discounted Eyes on Everything
Prime Day marks a five-pack of outdoor cameras plus doorbell down to $167 because apparently one lens wasn't paranoid enough.
Gaming Ego Meter Spikes Over GTA 6 Despite Empty Booth
Industry pumps up september excitement after a four-day summer fest with zero Rockstar presence
Roborock Ego Meter Spikes as Q10 S5 Plus Hits Cut-Price Glory
The robovac's 'impressive' value claim escalates from casual discount to full delusion at $270.
SpaceX Alum Raises $54M on 'Untapped' Ocean Geothermal
Endurance Energy is betting investors will harness massive amounts of energy no one has actually reached yet.
Oil Flips on Thin Trade as Threats Target Iranian Hubs
Traders spin presidential saber-rattling into market signals while the actual volume stays suspiciously light.
Gold Drops Third Day as Fresh Strikes Target Iran
Absurdity audit flags investors treating escalation like a discount on the ultimate hedge asset.
Hollywood Unions Trade Strikes for Sleepy Four-Year Contracts
After history-making 2023 action, this year's negotiation yielded easy deals as work becomes scarce for members
Audit: Iranian Drone Turns $25M Helicopter Into Midair Scrap
US military learns the hard way that cheap hardware plus dumb luck still beats expensive ego every time.
Ukraine Drones Turn 'Complicating Rotations' Into Fuel Shortages
Midrange strikes expose how Ukraine produces upgrades that hit Russian logistics exactly where it hurts most.
Zest App Claims Receipts Are the New AI Oracle
Transaction data now powers 'real' restaurant recommendations because your frequent spots weren't obvious enough.