Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
636 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Knicks Ego Meter Climbs From Hope to Full Delusion
The Knicks gave this city something impossible and now the delusion is giving all the love back.
Paramount's 'Successful' Merger: UFC With Trump Edition
DOJ approval now comes with ringside seats on the president's birthday because nothing says independent oversight like cage-side schmoozing.
Ego Meter Spikes as Under-Pillow Speaker 'Fixes' Sleep
Overthinkers swap uncomfortable earbuds for a flat slab that turns podcasts into proof of superior rest strategy
FBI's Replica Small Town Exists Only to Get Hacked
Alabama building houses a fake town built for simulating cyberattacks that somehow still feels less real than most corporate training videos.
Absurdity Audit: Swiss 10M Population Cap Plan
Right-wing initiative rebrands demographic control as sustainability while ignoring the chaos math.
KPMG Pulls AI Report After Hallucinations Wreck It
Consulting giant lets unreliable AI write about AI usage then acts shocked when it lies.
Caffeine Minimalists Audit Their Jitters Away
Americans emphatically swap traditional coffee for energy management theater and call it progress.
Ego Meter Breaks as Film Chases Consciousness With Pure Psychodrama
Review clocks each new level of delusion where overreacting passes for art and most people just back away.
Absurdity Audit: Pakistan's Intermediary Declares Iran Deal Expected
Official findings reveal a peace process built on hope, spin, and one hell of a timeline.
FISA Expires Tonight, Spying Certified Till 2027
Section 702 goes through the motions of death while the surveillance state just keeps the receipts.
Balogun and Pulisic Ratings Spin a Cup-Opening Fairy Tale
ESPN hands out team-best grades like participation trophies while the rest of the USMNT looked like they showed up for the paycheck.
SpaceX Ego Meter: From Far-Out Odds to $2 Trillion Peak
Every new funding round and launch pushes the dial further into delusion territory for the unlikely juggernaut.
Starmer's Hard-Edged Defence: Justifies Spending As Secretary Bails
The PM insists he has a duty to stay while his latest spending decisions torch another cabinet colleague.
SpaceX Trading Milestone Creates First Trillionaire
A 20 percent stock pop lets the world's richest person cross into 13-digit territory with zero new product shipped.
Ego Meter: Iran Sides Chasing Victory on Pure Speculation
A memorandum of understanding emerges while both sides inflate it into historic triumph before ink dries.
Ego Meter Spikes as Govee Pushes $60 Table Lamp
Color-changing rechargeable lamp promises backyard barbeque glory in latest round of gadget self-importance.
Iran Cease-Fire Audit Exposes Nominal Limbo of Low-Intensity Violence
Two months in, the 'handled' peace still delivers steady danger without any of the paperwork.
Siri's Big Upgrade: 15 Years of Disastrous Bullshit
Even the most patient users get forgiven for expecting basic competence after this long.