Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
634 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
US-Iran Energy Deal Frames Hope as Recovery Plan
Companies now get to decide if the crisis ends or just pauses until the next extension.
UK's Social Media Ban: Save the Children by Banning the Children
Government announces a total social blackout for under-16s, following Australia because copy-paste counts as leadership now.
Oscar Rule Lets One Actor Grab Multiple Noms in Same Category
Hollywood calls this progress. Really it's just stretching the same five performances to look like more contenders.
Rulla’s Husband Arrest Exposes Real Housewives of Rhode Island Circus
Absurdity Audit finds tracking devices, petty makeups, and zero self-awareness in Ep. 12.
Absurdity Audit: Debating Habeas Suspension for Immigrants
Secret memos reveal a frustrated White House treating constitutional rights like optional add-ons.
Scientists: We Have Extra Time Before Sun Ends Earth
Good news everyone—Earth’s plants get to starve us to death instead of getting roasted
Bastrop Hopes SpaceX IPO Means Fortunes, Gets Road Congestion
Residents of the 14,000-person town got a giant complex and now expect trickle-down magic from the historic offering.
Verge Gift Guide Recommends Gadgets Over Fathers' Actual Drinks
Father's Day happening soon and The Verge still thinks dads want $400 tech instead of simple pleasures
Sonos Play Speaker Audit Flags Portable Kitchen Scam
New Play model somehow becomes essential desk item while promising to work inside and outside like it's revolutionary.
Starmer Labels Former Deputy a 'Giant' of the Movement
The standard-issue tribute where 'giant' means the file was closed and everyone moved on.
Fed and BOE Stay 'Guarded' While Iran War Burns On
Central banks turn vague PR into an art form rather than admit they have no clue on immediate inflation damage
Absurdity Audit Flags Carter's Gillespie Booking as Peak Flex
First-of-its-kind South Lawn concert with the trumpeter proves old presidents once knew talent when they saw it.
AI Startups Audit: The SpaceX IPO Ride Delusion
Startups trying to hitch a public offering wave forget they lack the actual rocket fuel.
G7's Diplomatic Gathering Now Symbolizes Open Fragmentation
Officials spin 'frank talks' while the summit proves one man can split the whole table before it even starts.
The Universal Remote's Impossible Control Fantasy
Companies keep selling one product to rule them all, yet the idea crumbles the moment you add a second TV brand.
Minotaur Snags Sydney Prize in Highest-Selling Circus
Absurdity audit of the festival that rewards the same Cannes trophy with fresh Sydney branding.
Knicks Ego Meter Climbs From Hope to Full Delusion
The Knicks gave this city something impossible and now the delusion is giving all the love back.
Paramount's 'Successful' Merger: UFC With Trump Edition
DOJ approval now comes with ringside seats on the president's birthday because nothing says independent oversight like cage-side schmoozing.