Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
625 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Kalshi's Never-Expiring Derivatives Print $5.5 Billion Fast
The prediction-market platform is rushing to expand perpetual futures beyond crypto after a two-week volume explosion that screams casino, not innovation.
Absurdity Audit: Iran Bombing Permanently Altered Global Economy
Official findings confirm economies are unlikely to reset after the U.S. and Israel turned the region into permanent chaos.
Ego Meter: Hollywood's Puppet Delusion Hits Critical Mass
Bob Baker's historic marionette troupe gets crowned zeitgeist savior while the actual industry burns.
SpaceX Trading Debut Sends Ego Meter Into Orbit
Newly listed rocket maker vaults past Amazon and others in a masterclass of self-delusion.
Audit: Canadian Directors File AI Protections Manifesto
Guild declares efficiency is not creativity, demands safeguards before the machines rewrite the credits
Absurdity Audit: US 'Defended' Dark Ships in Hormuz
The document claims regular threats got handled, but the details read like a receipt for nothing.
Trump Admin Drops Wind Fight After Legal Beatings
Efforts to stall clean energy hit the wall while output just keeps climbing anyway.
60% of Consumers Say AI Brand Messaging Is a Turnoff
WordPress VIP survey shows companies treating AI-generated content as an important channel while most people just want it to stop.
Ars Technica's Reader Survey Wants Your Voice Heard
The tech site polls readers on front page changes while already knowing exactly what the analytics say.
US-Iran Energy Deal Frames Hope as Recovery Plan
Companies now get to decide if the crisis ends or just pauses until the next extension.
UK's Social Media Ban: Save the Children by Banning the Children
Government announces a total social blackout for under-16s, following Australia because copy-paste counts as leadership now.
Oscar Rule Lets One Actor Grab Multiple Noms in Same Category
Hollywood calls this progress. Really it's just stretching the same five performances to look like more contenders.
Rulla’s Husband Arrest Exposes Real Housewives of Rhode Island Circus
Absurdity Audit finds tracking devices, petty makeups, and zero self-awareness in Ep. 12.
Absurdity Audit: Debating Habeas Suspension for Immigrants
Secret memos reveal a frustrated White House treating constitutional rights like optional add-ons.
Scientists: We Have Extra Time Before Sun Ends Earth
Good news everyone—Earth’s plants get to starve us to death instead of getting roasted
Bastrop Hopes SpaceX IPO Means Fortunes, Gets Road Congestion
Residents of the 14,000-person town got a giant complex and now expect trickle-down magic from the historic offering.
Verge Gift Guide Recommends Gadgets Over Fathers' Actual Drinks
Father's Day happening soon and The Verge still thinks dads want $400 tech instead of simple pleasures
Sonos Play Speaker Audit Flags Portable Kitchen Scam
New Play model somehow becomes essential desk item while promising to work inside and outside like it's revolutionary.