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PICK YOUR ROAST FEED
Free proves the premise. Vulgar names the mechanism. Unhinged spends the payoff earlier.
Free
Circulation-first product: clear premise, broad readability, and the most shareable public version.
First-time readers who want the premise lane, the public dispatch, and the broadest public version of the joke.
Premise first, one clean closer, and the private screenshot line still deliberately held back.
Cadence
Public dispatch lane
Archive
30 days public
Heat band
Severity 50-72
Language
Cleanest lane
- ✓Last 30 days of public roasts
- ✓Public dispatch carrying the free cut only
- ✓The public social card and homepage teaser carry the cleanest, broadest version only.
- ✓House ads and promos stay on
Full comparison inside the paid flow.
START FREEVulgar
Rewrite product: same story, but the motive gets named plainly, the mechanism gets exposed, and the closer lands harder.
Regular readers who want the member rewrite where the motive gets named plainly and the archive depth actually changes.
The member cut that stops implying and starts naming the vanity, grift, or cowardice underneath the story.
Cadence
Member + public dispatch
Archive
Full + member cuts
Heat band
Severity 65-85
Language
Sharper rewrite
- ✓Everything in Free
- ✓This is the member rewrite, not the public card with extra profanity. The second observation becomes explicit.
- ✓Full public archive plus Vulgar cuts
- ✓Public dispatch plus the dedicated Vulgar member lane
- ✓Ad-free, harder phrasing, fuller archive access, and a member version that adds a real second observation instead of cosmetic spice
Full comparison inside the paid flow.
Unhinged
Cadence product: shortest setup, densest punchlines, and the screenshot line landing before the public version would even clear its throat.
Readers who want the vault lane, the earliest screenshot line, and the custom-roast lane tied to the top product.
The vault cut: leanest rewrite, least explanatory padding, earliest payoff, and the version most likely to get screenshotted back at us.
Cadence
Vault + member + public lanes
Archive
Everything + vault
Heat band
Severity 80-95
Language
Fastest payoff
- ✓Everything in Vulgar
- ✓Cadence is the product here: the setup shrinks, the line lands earlier, and the close does not wait for permission.
- ✓Everything, including the vault
- ✓Vault lane plus the inherited member and public dispatch lanes
- ✓Ad-free, fastest punchline density, least explanatory padding, and the hardest editorial product in the stack
Full comparison inside the paid flow.
Choose your cut
Three cuts. Three actual products.
Free sells the premise. Vulgar names the mechanism. Unhinged spends the payoff earlier and turns the week itself into a different product.
Public premise
This lane proves the premise and earns the click, but it withholds the sharper rewrite and the deeper archive on purpose.
Cadence
Public dispatch lane
Archive
30 days public
Heat band
Severity 50-72
Language
Cleanest lane
Buy this for
The free cut earns the click, but it deliberately leaves the sharper member rewrite and the private screenshot line unspent.
Stop here and you lose
Vulgar names the motive and reopens the full public backlog. Unhinged cuts even more setup and lands earlier.
Product proof
- 30-day public archive only
- Public dispatch only
- Clear premise, restrained closer
Lane proof
Broadest public read. Upgrade for archive depth, ad-free reading, and the sharper member rewrite the public cut will not spend.
Public social packaging
Free carries the cleanest teaser. Vulgar adds the second observation. Unhinged gets the fastest screenshot line and the least patience for setup.
Archive behavior
Free readers get the rolling window. Vulgar reopens the full public archive plus member rewrites. Unhinged unlocks the vault cadence and everything beneath it.
Inbox product
Friday is the circulation lane. Wednesday is the sharper member lane. Monday belongs to Unhinged so the hardest cut leads the week instead of following it.
Tier mechanics demo
Same absurdity. Three different products.
This is the difference the paywall is supposed to sell. Free proves the premise. Vulgar names the mechanism. Unhinged lands the screenshot line before the public cut would even finish warming up.
Tech / layoffs
A CEO says AI is about “unlocking creativity” two hours before cutting 1,200 jobs.
Product example, not a claimed live excerpt
The public cut proves the premise: management found a poetic way to call layoffs “creativity.”
The member cut names the mechanism: the AI speech is cover language for doing payroll cuts in a TED Talk voice.
The vault cut spends the line immediately: they called it innovation because “mass redundancy” does not test well in the keynote deck.
Sports / ownership
An owner calls a disastrous season “part of the process” after raising ticket prices again.
Product example, not a claimed live excerpt
The public cut sells the contradiction: the process somehow keeps improving prices more reliably than results.
The member cut states the grift: “the process” means charging supporters extra to finance the excuse itself.
The vault cut cuts straight to the screenshot line: the rebuild is complete if the spreadsheet was the only team meant to win.
Politics / fake contest
A leadership race begins after every serious rival declines to run.
Product example, not a claimed live excerpt
The public cut frames the absurdity: a contest has been announced with all the suspense of a signed courier receipt.
The member cut names the chassis: it is a sole-bidder procurement dressed up as democratic theatre.
The vault cut lands before the intro finishes: they launched an election where the only real campaign was for everyone else to stay home.
Difference matrix
What the next tier actually buys.
The ladder has to survive comparison, not just mood. This matrix keeps the three lanes honest across prose, archive depth, inbox cadence, and merch routing.
Opening move
Sell the premise cleanly.
Name the mechanism plainly.
Land the payoff before the public cut warms up.
What changes in the prose
This lane proves the premise and earns the click, but it withholds the sharper rewrite and the deeper archive on purpose.
This is the member rewrite, not the public card with extra profanity. The second observation becomes explicit.
Cadence is the product here: the setup shrinks, the line lands earlier, and the close does not wait for permission.
Archive scope
Last 30 days of public roasts
Full public archive plus Vulgar cuts
Everything, including the vault
Inbox cadence
Friday public dispatch only
Friday public dispatch + Wednesday Vulgar lane
Monday Unhinged vault + Wednesday Vulgar lane + Friday public dispatch
Merch lane
Public drop alerts only.
member merch routing + drop alerts
priority drop alerts + member merch routing
Best bought for
The free cut earns the click, but it deliberately leaves the sharper member rewrite and the private screenshot line unspent.
Vulgar exists to stop implying and start naming the grift, vanity, or cowardice the public cut only hints at.
Unhinged is not “more Vulgar.” It is the cadence-fast vault cut where the setup shrinks and the line lands before the public version would clear its throat.
FAQ
How do I update my card, switch tier, or cancel?
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One link, no support ticket. Open the customer portal: roaststation.com/subscribe?manage=1. Stripe-hosted, no password.
Can I cancel anytime?
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Yes. One click in the portal. No penalties, no guilt trip. You keep access until the end of your current billing period.
Do I need a subscription to read roasts?
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No. Free readers get the rolling public archive window and the public dispatch lane. Vulgar unlocks the full public archive plus the mechanism-cut rewrite. Unhinged adds the vault lane and the custom-roast request route.
What about ads?
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Vulgar and Unhinged subscribers get an ad-free site once signed in. (Cookie issued on checkout; if you switch browsers, request a new sign-in link.)
How do refunds work — monthly plan?
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No refund for the current month, but you can cancel anytime to stop the next renewal. Access continues until the end of the billing period you paid for.
How do refunds work — annual plan?
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14-day full-refund window from the start of each annual term. After that, cancellation stops the next renewal but the current year is non-refundable; access continues until the end of the annual term. Stripe handles disputes if anything is unclear.
What if my card gets declined on renewal?
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Stripe retries up to 3 times over 7 days. You get an email after each failed attempt with a one-tap route back into billing. Subscription only drops to Free if every retry fails.
Is my payment data safe?
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Stripe handles 100% of the card flow — we never see, store, or process your card number. PCI compliance is on Stripe.
What about VAT / sales tax?
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Stripe Tax calculates it at checkout based on your billing country. EU/UK buyers see VAT; US buyers see state sales tax where applicable; everywhere else, no extra tax line.
Do annual plans save money?
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Yes. Annual billing lowers the effective monthly price versus paying month-to-month, but it does not create a lifetime price lock.
See our Subscription Terms for full details.
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