Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
624 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Qatar Clears Ras Laffan Blast: Exports Still Golden
Absurdity audit reveals the explosion at the industrial complex somehow left liquefied gas shipments completely unimpacted.
Australia's Underground Cocaine Stockpile Fails Basic Audit
Police find 2.7 tonnes hidden on a western Sydney property, proving billion-dollar plans still need decent hiding spots.
Ego Meter Crashes U.S.-Iran Talks in Record Time
Negotiators insisted on ending Lebanon's war as the opening condition while the president threatened and his VP called it progress.
Divorce Finalized, Birthday Love Still on Payroll
Keith Urban's post-split birthday note and Nicole Kidman's Father's Day callback pass the absurdity audit with flying red flags.
Absurdity Audit: Coal Plants Bag Investments While Violating Regulations
Three repeat offenders keep cash flowing despite racking up environmental citations like parking tickets
Ego Meter Spikes When Dreary Job Prompts Post-Exit Complaints
Delusion climbs from dreamy memories straight through to workplace revenge fantasies after you've already moved on.
Iran's Delegation Treats Summit Photo Like a Contagion
Bloomberg reports the briefest possible appearance before the exit, turning 'participate' into performance art.
Iran's Hormuz Closure Gets Formal Audit
Oil continued through the chokepoint while contrasting narratives from Washington and Tehran failed basic reality checks.
Afghan Women Pivot to Businesses When Education Vanishes
Thousands launch entrepreneurship because secondary education and real jobs are now off-limits under the rules
Satellite Rescue Already a Success Because They Bothered Trying
PR declares victory lap before the mission even leaves the ground in record time.
Xperia 1 VIII Audit Exposes Sony's Zoom Retreat
Four generations of continuous optical zoom axed for an aesthetic tweak that still won't reach normal buyers
Dua Lipa Drops Chanel Wedding Dress Pics After the Real Nuptials
The three-day Palermo celebration gets its own PR moment, because one set of vows clearly wasn't enough content.
250th Anniversary Audit Exposes History's Lazy Loop
Bloomberg dusts off a constitutional professor to confirm recurring patterns still recur
Absurdity Audit: Hormuz 'Closure' Flops Before Switzerland Talks
Tehran's bold claim over Israeli attacks in Lebanon gets shredded by US military reality check.
Ego Meter Tracks How 104 MPH Still Ends in Loss
Misiorowski's record heat against the Braves proves velocity can't outrun a Brewers defeat.
Netherlands 5-1 Sweden Audit Flags Brobbey 'Statement' as Hot Air
Cruised to victory? Sure. But inflating a thrashing into some grand declaration is where the absurdity hits a new level.
Egg Wholesale Prices Crash, Farmers Get the Spin
Oversupply of hens tanks producer revenue while consumers hear all about future 'benefits' that contracts will conveniently block.
Go's Record IPO Funds Robotaxis to Dodge Driver Drought
Japan's biggest listing so far this year hands the taxi-hailing app cash to pursue acquisitions instead of fixing its existential staffing mess.