Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
622 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Bending Spoons IPOs at $18B by Minimizing Luck
Co-founders rebrand their company's habit of buying beloved internet brands on life support as elite risk management.
Krafton Audit Flags Subnautica Dispute Payout
After pushing out cofounders, Krafton settles with Unknown Worlds and hands out bonuses like a late fee on bad decisions.
Lakers Audit Flags Unprotected First-Rounders for Kessler
Future draft capital traded away to add size and Quentin Grimes in one busy afternoon.
Ego Meter Explodes at TechCrunch Disrupt Builders Stage
Founders queue up for practical strategies that mostly involve convincing themselves the next pivot will save everything.
Amazon Fires Sideloading Blame at Malware
New Fire Stick OS quietly kills third-party launchers while executives hide behind piracy excuses.
Crocodile Audit Flags 'Containment Optional' Policy
Family credits rescuers while the patient remains stable at Addenbrooke's, proving nature still writes its own reports
Ego Meter Cranks Past 100 During Venezuela Quake Fiasco
Residents beg for excavators while the brass treats specialized rescue gear as optional cosplay.
Math Lie Attack Shows AI Browsers Are Fragile Garbage
Telling an LLM 2 + 2 = 5 is enough to make it follow forbidden instructions without breaking a sweat.
Lively's $8M Legal Fee Audit: Desperation in the Docket
Actress demands director Baldoni cover the bill as the case fizzles, because apparently eight million is the going rate for a final swing.
Supreme Court Audit: Fed Stays Free, Rest Get Leashed
Independence confirmed for one agency while dozens of regulators now answer to the presidency.
Tesla Cybercab Audit: No Wheel, No Pedals, No Clue
Years-long robotaxi promises get a pedal-free Austin test that still can't deliver anything but excuses.
Samsung's Wide Foldable Audit: Same Tricks, Wider Cases
Leaked images of the next Galaxy generation show Samsung still betting on foldables nobody needs.
50 Cent Exposes Smollett's Pride Stage Grift
Conviction overturned in November doesn't erase the staging, but apparently that's enough for a Harlem comeback.
High-Intensity AI Adopters Swear Headcount Is Rising
Entry-level jobs up 12% at these companies, countering all that AI-will-kill-juniors talk with the usual selective stats.
Absurdity Audit: Kiros Files Generational Challenge
A representative elected the year before birth now faces a DeGette audit from the newest cohort
Uber Quietly Drops Waymo for Fresh Autonomous Partner in Phoenix
The 'separate partnership' phrasing turns a breakup into the world's most corporate breakup text.
Janet Jackson's Michael outfit audit: tribute or tax write-off?
Icons recognize icons by raiding the closet instead of doing literally anything else.
Absurdity Audit: America's Daredevil Reckoning
ESPN celebrates 250 years by unleashing risk-takers who mostly just plan better Instagram routes than Knievel ever needed.