Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
640 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
USA Today: KitKat Heists to Moon Menaces
Stolen candy trackers, kidnapped hacks, gas gouge, lunar leaps—news or fever dream?
Yahoo News: Breaking News from the Dial-Up Era
Scroll if you dare into the endless aggregator where 'latest' means 'we scraped it five minutes ago'
CNN Trending: Moonshots to Amazon Sales in One Scroll
NASA's back to the moon, Tiger's in trouble, and somehow Amazon deals steal the show—news or napalm?
Barbie Dream Fest: Pink Hype, Reality's Buzzkill
Drove hours for dreamhouse bliss? Got a deflate-o-rama instead. Florida strikes again.
Judge Saves NPR from Trump's Axe, Library Tower Soars
Public funding fights and ego skyscrapers: the news cycle's latest circus act.
NFL Highlights: Football's Infinite Replay Button
FOX Sports serves up the same 10-yard gains like it's gourmet content—pass the eye bleach.
AP's Oddities: News' Designated Freak Show
When headlines get too sane, they ship the weirdos to this corner of the internet.
CNN's 'Breaking News': The Infinite Scroll of Meh
Trending story? It's just the homepage. Hold on, that's the whole plot?
Elite Eight Eats Baseball Polls for Breakfast
Women's hoops explodes while UCLA's top spot wobbles – sports media's daily drama shuffle.
Sports Betting Odds: Gambling's Daily Dose of Denial
Lakers -16? Wizards worse than a participation trophy. Who's still betting this madness?
The Hindu's Infinite News Vortex Sucks You In
Agri-business to asteroid chases—one site's wild bid to categorize the chaos of existence.
Newsweek: In-Depth Analysis or Infinite Scroll?
Promising breaking news alerts like it's 1999, but delivering the same outrage bait everyone's already doomscrolling.
Sci-Fi Solo Act Legs Past Franchise Fizzle: 'Only' 32% Drop!
Hollywood hails a non-sequel survivor like it's the second coming of Oppenheimer. Hold up, is mediocrity the new blockbuster?
UConn Kid's 35-Foot Buzzer Beater Defies Physics
Freshman launches Hail Mary with 0.4 seconds left—because why settle for a layup when sorcery works?
Big Tech's AI Debt Party: Trillions for Glitchy Ghosts
Borrowing like broke uncles at a casino, chasing chatbots that crash mid-sentence.
Tech's Triple Whammy: Screen Nannies, Rocket Bets, Pricier Pixels
UK slaps kid screen limits while SpaceX memes explode and Sony jacks up PS5—priorities, people?
Pyfer KOs Izzy After 'Almost Offed Myself' Bombshell
From suicidal spiral to savage knockout: UFC's fastest therapy session ever?
Elite 8 Evisceration: Brackets Meet the Woodchipper
UCLA women storm back on Duke, Michigan mulches Tennessee—your perfect bracket just filed for bankruptcy.