Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
637 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
USA TODAY: The News Equivalent of Elevator Muzak
Award-winning everything: sports, stocks, cat videos – zero flavor, infinite filler.
UConn's Big-Game Cheat Code: Title III Loading
In a tournament built on chaos, these guys treat Final Fours like Tuesday practices. Who's stopping the machine?
NBC News: Teasers So Tiny, They're Micro-News
Diagnoses, dismissals, and gas-price doom served in snack-sized panic bites—because who has time for full stories?
UConn's Big-Game Bonanza: March Snoozefest?
Huskies chase third title in four years like it's just another Tuesday scrimmage.
Today Star's Mom Ghosts, She Goes Viral on Faith
Missing mom? Time for a heartfelt video essay. Priorities, people.
Savannah's Return: Fans Siege NBC Like It's Woodstock
TMZ hypes morning anchor comeback as if she slayed a dragon, not just read the weather.
BBC Football: The Infinite Scroll of Meh
Latest news? More like yesterday's scores microwaved with transfer gossip.
ESPN: Serving Addiction, Not Sports
Anytime? Anywhere? Buddy, that's not service—that's a 24/7 shank to your free time.
Tariffs Go Nuclear: Businesses Whine, Get Walloped
Complain about a tickle on imports? Enjoy the full-body economic haymaker instead.
Indian Express Biz: Ticker Tape Toilet Paper
Endless stocks, gold rates, and petrol pumps—business 'news' that's just numbers taking a dump on your feed.
TMZ's Birthday Bash: Bikini Autopsy Edition
Nothing screams 'happy birthday' like exhuming workout pics for the masses.
Celebs Cram Four Holidays into One Outfit
Khloe, Blake & Gwen turn Easter, Passover, Eid and Nowruz into Instagram's ultimate mashup fail
USA Today: Breaking the News... of Being News
They tout 'award-winning journalism' like it's a revelation, but it's just the world's most generic homepage flex.
Sora: OpenAI's AI Video Fling Ends in Ghost Town
Viral hit that spooked Hollywood shutters after months of tumbleweeds—AI hype meets reality check.
Humans Let AI Do Their Thinking, Regret Nothing
Research reveals we're outsourcing brains to bots that confidently spew nonsense—because who needs logic anymore?
Earth Pics from Space: NASA's Greatest Hits, Vol. 47
Artemis II crew snaps 'spectacular' view we've memorized since flip phones were cool.
OpenAI Parks COO in 'Special Projects' Siberia
Brad Lightcap gets vague new gig amid exec exodus—because nothing screams 'stable genius' like reorg roulette at the AI apocalypse factory.
Meloni's MBS Oil Begathon: Euro Desperation Tour
Italy's PM jets to Saudi for emergency petrol hugs, because 'energy security' means kissing the ring of desert royals.